Bullsmoor All Sorts FC

Old Gits Only

Bullsmoor All Sorts Sports Club

B A S Tour 2011


So we’re off to Rye this year with two games on Sat and Sun. No problems with the new Minibus company and everyone was scooped up by about Midday. Reasonable journey until Marc started asking me for directions after Ashford. I’d had a few by then, so decided we would take the coastal route via Camber, but forgot the turning and off we went completely the wrong way towards Dymchurch. I am also familiar with this route when I used to come along from Dover. Anyhow, when I saw we were entering Dymchurch I announced that there were some decent public toilets in this village, if anyone needed them, they didn’t, but as we went past I did notice them on our Left ! Five minutes later, I thought I could swear that they were usually on the Right hand side. Oh well, as I supped another Stella, but then I looked out the window and saw the ocean on my right. It finally clicked that we were going completely the wrong direction. I tried to get us turned around, but to no avail as we entered Hythe !! We were now 14 miles east, so we finally turned around and went back. We then missed another turning and in trying to rectify the error ended up going through St Marys and down to Dungeness. Oh Well, we finally made it back to the A259/2070 and got to Rye after about 5 hours.

I checked out the new Clubhouse, and after a quiet word with Belch (Re TM Speech), we decided that it was not suitable, and Daniel and I went off to check the two local pubs. A couple of Pints later, I decided that the first Pub, where we had gone about five years ago would do in the Pool table area. We went in and spent all evening there and had a raucous time. Several videos have been added below if you wanna suffer the speeches etc.. again. After Andy and I had talked bollux for about an hour we did the awards. Chike, after a recount, was awarded the Man of the Season. Shame he weren’t there, but well deserved nonetheless. Goal of the Season, unsurprisingly, went to Russell for his fine ‘from the ½ way line’ effort.
Supporters player of the Season was awarded to Gino and the Fruitbat of the Season generously awarded to Flipper. He was very proud, cheeks puffed out, until he read the inscription, which pertained to the OWN Goal of the Season, of which, of course, he committed both that we conceded. To make it even worse, when urged to read it he thought it said 'Goal of the Season' !! Crestfallen does not even come close, as he scurried away. So cruel, but enormously funny, to all, but Flipper, of course.


 I don't recall, but it looks like I got an award ?
And it looks like Flipper appreciated his award later on too.
Only Joking !!!

Then followed the Tour Manager speeches by Flipper and Belch. VJ and Uday had decided to come with Russ and Penn on Sat AM, so just the two of them. I let Flipper go first, who gave a rousing speech, and then Belch cleared his end of the room. A thoroughly entertaining ½ hour, not much about the actual Tour Manager position, but who cared. Almost full Vid coverage shown below. His bit regarding the Hammers and his flailing of two actual Claw Hammers was inspired. The vote was 5-4 to Belch, but then he decided, strangely, to let Flipper do it on Saturday and he would resume on Sundays game. OK, we went with that then.

Back to someones caravan for Egg Banjos before bed. Wonderful Stuff !!
Decent brekky by my bitches then off to Icklesham, where Marc again missed the turning. I think he was trying to get out of driving, but I told him he would stay doing it till he got it right. We were there early but still kicked off 4 minutes late at 12:04.
An unfortunate consequence of Flipper being the Boss meant that he went up front with Marc. Now I would like to say that it was a resounding success, OK Not really, and I wasn’t disappointed as he was shit. I asked Russell later on for his professional opinion on Flippers performance. He said trying to find Flippers runs was more difficult than finding a Clitoris !!! We therefore re-christened him Clit-er-Torres for the Sunday match.
We had about three subs, so changed them every 20 minutes or so, except for Fat Gav who seemed to be sitting on his arse for ages. We won 2-1 with Andy getting a scrambled winner after Zed sort of scuffed it in apparently surged down the right wing and crossed it in to Andy. We went 1 up in the 1st half with a long kick from Russ which their slapead centre-half mis-headed it into Penns path, He strode forward and cracked it home.. They hit a fine equaliser from a long r/wing cross which was headed home at the far post as Andy just got his fingers to it. Overall, it was a good even game and a great result. We then hung around in the sunshine, I don’t know why !?!, so I cadged a lift with one of their blokes to the pub.
Good time in the pub with Stella and some very nice baguettes and Chips. Andy left to go home straight after his grub. Nothing changes, EH !! Gobshite also joined us at that point. As we were leaving, I was told they had left the minibus at the ground, so I decided that Gobshite needed some assistance finding the campsite as he was parked outside the pub.
I got Gobby to drop me at the Camp Bar and we watched the Yids lose to Chelsea with some rather dodgy goals. Absolutely brilliant, and then stayed their until the early hours. Some rather dodgy dancing from Penn, Andy, Gavin and Uday ensued, with Penn trying to get off with anything with a pulse. I was highly amused when at the last dance at God Knows wot Hour, he was grabbed by this very large woman for a whole five minutes. I was glad I had recently been to the Loo, ‘cos I nearly pissed myself laughing. The people I was sitting with told me she made a habit of shagging the younger clientel.. Ho Hum !! Penn was still wandering the camp about 0400. Russ put him in his caravan at 0300, and went to sleep in his car ?? 5 minutes later, Penn was knocking on the window, with two cans in his hands, saying there was a party somewhere in the camp. Russ sent him on his way, had a couple of hours kip, and then apparently drove to Hastings for a look around. Strange Boy !!

John, Penn, Gino and Gary (Injured) left about 9 ish and the rest of us adjourned to the Camp Bar at midday to watch the Gobshites V Newcastle. That was crap as they ran out easy 3-0 winners. Then followed the Gonners V Man Yoo. A very disappointing Man Yoo capitulated to a 1-0 defeat, despite a strong penalty claim right at the end. Flipper had left with Russ to watch the Hammers get stuffed at Man City in a Ashford pub, next to Bromleys ground. It was 2-1 to City, but I understand it could have been a lot more. Going down, Going down, going down !!

We arrived in good time with just 13 players left, so Danny went in goal. Barrel was in action after about 10 minutes as you can see below.

An even start burst into life as Danny pulled off an outstanding top corner save, or as he put it, wheres the cameras ? suggesting that he had made a meal of it. So modest, the Big Lump. That was what we needed as we went up tother end, Belch had a shit shot, which was charged down by their Lad. Penalty !! As the only member of Penalty Club available, Marc stepped up and sent a scintillating shot into the left hand corner. 1-0
Zed went off after injuring his calf  pulling his hamstring whilst landing, which was a major blow to us and him. Shortly afterwards, Marc got free twice and set up both Mitch and Uday for their first and last Goals of the Season. (Oops that last bit gives the impression that they scored screamers, NOT the Case, just tap ins) Both were poked home from a couple of yards like true Sniffers. Well Done, Boys. Then on about the ½ hour, we got a free kick about 20 yards out, and up stepped Fat Gav who also ain’t scored this season ! I wasn’t confident, I must admit, but he hit a sweet kick up and over the wall leaving the goalie nowhere. 4-0

Absolutely incredible, we were 4 up and the game had been relatively even. We strutted around like peacocks at ½ time, or just like Cocks in some cases. The 2nd half was very different as they turned the screw, first getting away down the right and slipping the ball past Danny, and then a superb volley into the top corner from about 12 yards out. We had a couple of efforts, notably from Russ, but to no avail, as their goalie got very bored. Some confident handling from Danny kept them at bay and we hung on desperately for a fine win. F/.T 4-2
NO Vids for either game as the camera batteries ran out after 10 minutes in each game. Never mind, I can never get anyone to do it anyway. There are a load of piccies on the Bromley site on the link below

and I have borrowed some onto here. We had a great time in their wee bar, even with Canned Stella which their Dave had invested in at the Local supermarket. We got involved in some strange drinking game, which seemed to be very complicated. I got involved after Steve had had a go, and seemingly lost 3 times in a row. I reckoned I won, ‘cos I had to down a pint every time. Bludy brilliant !! Check out this weird game below

We left about 2200, to get back so Andy could get his lips wet. We went back to the Camp Bar and stayed their till chucking out time, then back for more Banjos.
Marc had been sleeping in the double with Johnny, so as he had gone home, he was gonna have a nice comfy sleep. Wrong, I decided I would inhabit his bed, dropped on it, and, of course, he failed to move my hugely impressive frame. He then had to sleep with both Gobshite and Fat Gav in the lounge. Very Cosy, I'm sure.  I had a great sleep, only interrupted by some very loud rumblings from the other end. Go On Gobshite !! Some dodgy footage of all this is shown below

We spent the latter parts of each night in the Camp Bar, so Click below for some interesting coverage.

A quick Brekky and away home. No detours this time, so we were home by 1400 after dropping everyone else.

A damn good tour, I reckon, and two decent teams who expressed interest in playing us back at Enfield.. I look forward to dealing with that in the summer.

See yer all in September.
P.S  Just spent an entertaining with the Gonners getting stuffed by Stoke, and then visiting my new house in John Street.

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